“Tis the Season”

Throughout the year there are celebrations of one kind or another. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. Each are significant to us all in some way.

From Thanksgiving through to the year's end we are bombarded with media advertising for the jolly season. Photographs of smiling, laughing faces. Family groups. Parents. Children.

For those in bereavement it seems relentless.

‘Tis the season—but—for us the season will never be the same again.

The mind casts back to other Thanksgivings, other Christmases, other Hanukahs and celebrations.

Those of us in bereavement also must face these challenges as they arrive. And they are all challenges.

Perhaps the last one with this troubled person was bitterly unhappy…

Try not to dwell on this time because this was not the real person you knew well; try to ‘let go'—easier said than done, I know.

Perhaps it was a giddily happy time! These are the memories to savor, recall and enjoy again.

But what do we do now with this time of year?

The family traditions faithfully adhered to must be changed to accommodate our loss.

Where a younger sibling or family member is present it is an even more difficult question and decision to make because, for the most part, they will need the stability of knowing that they can still believe in the myths and ‘same old' observances and celebrations.

Do we try to disguise our heart-break? No.

When tears come and the younger one asks, "why?” – we are remembering the missing person.

Try then to share a happy or amusing moment that was shared by the one we're missing now.

But—what else can be done at this time? Some suggestions to perhaps help in making changes could be:

• Lighting a special candle together one evening and asking for a blessing for the departed one.

• Whatever you would have spent on this person to purchase a gift—make a donation in their name toward something they liked or a cause in which they were involved at one time. A sibling may have a suggestion here).

* If they were lovers of literature—a book purchased for a library.

Animal shelter if this was appropriate.

An environmental cause.

A youth homeless shelter.

· When having a gathering—each person share a humorous story connected with the one gone.

Some people have been known to change the day of celebration or to try to ignore it but that really doesn't heal your heart.

Others travel to a totally different scene, although this, too, isn't always practical or possible.

(A personal note: We meet with children and grandchildren at a daughter's home on Christmas Eve and the next day, we dine out with another couple or alone but in any case we toast the absent one).

We each have to decide for ourselves the best way to honor our lost children and others: to invent new ways which will eventually become our—traditions.

Our children would not want us to banish happiness from our lives.

Allow yourself to smile and laugh even through your tears.

They could be smiling with us—they can be healing with us.